First off I have three children, Justin and Will are my oldest two from previous relationships and Mercy is with Michael.  Michael and I have been married almost 4 years. Justin is almost 20, Will will be 14 in February, and Mercy just turned 2 in November.

 

Not long ago I found out that sometime this August I am going to be a grandmother.  Justin and his GF are expecting! This will be my first grandchild so I am excited about it but at the same time I am afraid because Justin's GF has health problems.  Add to that, the fact that this last year I had a miscarriage so I know the pain that it brings.  Well, because of her health problems, a few weeks ago she thought she was having a miscarriage so they came and stayed a few days.  It just happened to be the weekend that I had taken Mercy down to my mom's to stay and Will was at his dad's.  Michael and I could have gotten the MUCH needed alone time but we didn't instead they came down and stayed a few days.  Yes it does get tiring when people come to stay at your house and yes they do gripe at each other a lot but I can understand their fear. 

When I was having a miscarriage I felt alone, yeah; Michael was there but he had stayed up the night before playing VIDEO games as usual.  He sat there all day when I was at the hospital griping that he didn't get enough sleep the night before.  WELL that was HIS choice so he has to live with it.  I was sitting there in pain (actual labor pain) but lets worry about Michael not getting enough sleep...

 

I think that the reason that Justin and his GF came down to stay with us was because Justin was afraid and didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he should take her in to the hospital or just wait it out.  He knew that I would know so he came here.  Damn, he was afraid just like someone else SHOULD have been when it happened to me; but WASN'T because he was too worried about HIMSELF. 

 

I don't think that Michael has any clue what this last year has meant for me.  Lemme see, first off, I had the miscarriage.  Then he told me that he had a crush on a woman at work... We moved closer to his job and then two weeks later Will gets in a bad accident and gets a broken neck and an injury to his head.  Yeah, Will is okay now but it's just been a helluva year.  One that I would like to forget as soon as possible.  But I can't.  It don't work that way, I wish it did but it don't.

 

Shortly before we moved to this town I had told Michael that my biggest nightmare was that we get here and he spends all of his added (because we live less that 10 minutes from his job as opposed to an hour away) free time playing video games.  My husband is 27 years old and he plays video games like he is 12.  I don't get this.  He would rather play video games than spend time with me.  Well guess what, he made sure that he fulfilled my  nightmare and then some.  I say and then some; because now he has been insulting me.  He is mean and cruel to me.  And now I am angry.  I am angry because if you love someone, I mean honestly love someone, you don't do that. 

I am angry because he made my Christmas hell, I am angry because he insults me, I am angry because we were going to counseling because of his video game obsession and he didn't go back, I am angry because he keeps busting up the house.  I am angry because he acts like I should choose between my son and him. 

And now he thinks that him making supper for me is going to change all of that, well it don't. I dont care what he makes.  The only thing that is going to change anything is him not acting like a jerk. 

YEAH a jerk,  there I said it.  Michael you are acting like a jerk, a total jerk. 

You wanna know how he can stop acting like a jerk?  If he stopped thinking about himself all the time.  That is all that he thinks about.  On a scale of 1-10 right now our marriage is at a -5.  Do you think he cares?  I don't, cause I told him and he chooses to do otherwise; he chooses his video games over me so maybe he can feed his supper to one of the characters on his video game cause they are closer to him than I am.  He spends his free time playing Diablo, NWN and now he has a new game that he got himself for Christmas.  I spent mine on groceries for the family, yeah he offered to split the money but I wanted him to get something for himself because I couldn't get him anything because we were broke.  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot...

Yeah Justin and his GF did stay long and did gripe at each other a lot but that is no excuse for the things he has said and did to me.  Maybe to him it does, but that's cause he only thinks of himself and not how his actions affect others.  He thinks more about how he thinks than most people think PERIOD!